CreativeAgingforEveryone

Women and Technology

Last week my computer crashed.  Yes, that dread phrase appeared on the screen, then nothing else happened.  After 10 days in the shop and more than a thousand dollars to get it out of hock (because I didn't want to get a new computer and deal with Windows VISTA), I'm back online.

I learned something from this experience.  First of all, I depend much more on having my own computer than I ever realized.  Using my husband's didn't feel right.  I couldn't compose on his with any ease.  All of my bookmarks and passwords were missing.  I didn't have unlimited access to it either.  I felt cut off from the larger world I had been part of and had taken for granted. 

I also realized I was as addicted to checking my email as anyone else.   

Celebrate Your Special Birthday in Style

Remember that book Smart Women Foolish Choices?  The Foolish Choices I'm thinking of don't have to do with men but with attitudes toward ourselves.

A lot of women become fixated on measuring their worth through birthday parties and gifts.  That is, they get upset when people in their lives don't throw them a surprise fiftieth birthday or don't take them on a fabulous vacation when they turn sixty.  And so on.

I'm not disputing the fact that we all harbor secret fantasies about these things. But the reality is that what people do or don't do is not necessarily a reflection of their love for us.  Getting stuck by waiting for someone else to take on the organizing of our "special" birthdays is a big mistake.  Even if they  do organize them,  the results often don't satisfy the inner picture we have of a really special birthday party.

Grandparents' Day is September 9TH

I just discovered that September 9th is Grandparents' Day. I didn't know this holiday existed until I passed a bus shelter and saw it advertised. I don't know why I wouldn't have expected there would be a Grandparents' Day, since everything else is celebrated in America.

I'm assuming that the day has been created to honor grandparents, but truthfully I don't want to celebrate it that way because there's something too passive about it. I'd rather use the day as a jumping off point to talk about the joys of having grandchildren.

Becoming a Grandparent

Becoming a grandparent these days no longer seems to be something that happens naturally when our kids have kids. I don't know about you, but for me it is a new role that has required actively developing new thought patterns and behavior.

Our children can have unspoken expectations of us that come out only after some unexpected conflict.

Our grandchildren can have chronic physical ailments and special needs.

With both parents working, we are sometimes called on to play a major role in supporting them in raising their children.

We want to be good grandparents, whatever that means.

And that's the bottom line--and question.

What does it mean to be a good grandparent in present-day America?

What's important about our presence in our kids' and grandkids' lives these days?

What do we need to pay attention to and learn in order to have not just good, but wonderful, relationships within our families?

I'm asking these questions of myself and everyone I know who has grandkids, because living creatively also means embracing new ideas about our relationships with others.

Note:  I also participate in a blog on parenting of all kinds called Parenting By Strengths.
Check it out.

Our Adult Children, Ourselves

Remember Our Bodies, Ourselves, followed by Ourselves, Growing Older and Ourselves and Our Children? As I contemplate them on my bookshelves I think of how far we have come in opening up all kinds of dialogs about intimate relationships within ourselves and with others.

"Adult children" is a term that sounds like an oxymoron.  And it often does reflect a real contradiction in our thinking and feeling.  Because the truth is, no matter how rational I try to be, in my mind my children (who are in their thirties and forties now) are still about twelve years old.

That's convenient, since it makes me about thirty-five.    My husband prefers thirty-nine, like Jack Benny, but that's a "cusp" year, so I'll stick with something mid-stream.

New Friends, and Lovers

I'm a long-married person, which I attribute to luck as much as anything else.  But a lot of my friends and clients, old and new, are single and getting older.  Some are widowed; some are divorced.  Some are eagerly seeking new relationships; some can't imagine replacing their partner.

A lot of them ask me, what is the healthy thing to do? 

I'm not The Buddha (yet), but I do study about these things, since my vocation and avocation are to help people, and here's what I think:

A major finding of positive psychology is that vital, satisfying relationships are the underpinnings of human well-being throughout our lives.   That is even more true  as we age. 

Old Friends

A friend asked me, "Is it important to keep old friends, even if they drive me crazy?"  After she assured me that she wasn't talking about me (because I'm only a medium-old friend?), I tried to think about the question objectively.

The words that strike me most are keep and crazy. 

Agelessness

Over my life I've had bad birthdays and good birthdays. 

A "bad" birthday meant that I was dreading the changeover from one age to the next.  For some reason thirty-seven was a particularly bad birthday for me, although I don't now remember why. 

Good birthdays all seemed to come when I was in my late teens.  I was one of those kids who was intellectually older than my years and emotionally a whole lot younger, so I kept waiting impatiently for all my parts to catch up with each other.

At some point, though, age really ceased to matter.  Forty was not a watershed.  Amazingly, in spite of AARP's boundary line, signified by a subscription to Modern Maturity, fifty wasn't either.

What Helps Us Age Well?

I use the word "successful" very consciously, because it's such a common word that pops up in any discussion of aging, probably a close second to "healthy" aging.

But what does "successful aging" mean to you?  To me it means a whole variety of things, and one of the best ways I know to think about it is to look at some of the specific character strengths that have been identified as contributing most to a subjective sense of well-being throughout the life span.

These are curiosity, zest, the ability to love and be loved, gratitude, and hope or optimism.*

How Can Women Stay Youthful From Fifty, Sixty and Forward?

Staying youthful:  that's one of the main questions I'm exploring here.

I don't mean the youthful appearance that comes from multiple cosmetic surgeries and too young clothes.  I don't even mean the feeling of youthfulness that a lot of people believe comes from perfect health and a stress-free life--because that isn't going to happen for most of us.

In fact, the women who come to mind when I think about role models have encountered a lot of bad news in their lives.   I might use the word "challenges" to describe these events, but I have to say truthfully that I'm talking about real struggles with poverty, illness, deaths of husbands and children before their time, and even war.

Most of these women are now in their late sixties or even mid-eighties.  Yet the word "vibrant" is the best one I can find to express what I feel from them.  How do they do it?