CreativeAgingforEveryone

What Creative Aging Is--and Is Not

A lot of people protest to me that they are not at all artistic or inventive, so how can they possibly age creatively?

"Pish tush!" I say to them and give them a hug, real or virtual. Because creativity is not limited to artistic production.  It's not even related to IQ.

Rather, it is a way of living your life that can be learned and practiced, even if it's not your natural bent or a big part of your history on earth so far. 

Character Strengths and Virtues, by Chris Peterson and Martin Seligman, describes the strength of Creativity in a number of ways.  All combine two basic components:  the ability to generate new, sometimes surprising, ideas that are also adaptive--that is, which contribute to illuminating and perhaps solving life problems. 

Everyday creativity (That Good Old Yankee Ingenuity) is extremely important to cultivate as we grow older. Why?  One reason, according to Elkhonen Goldberg, who wrote The Wisdom Paradox, is that as we age we naturally rely more on the left side of our brain. This side thinks in long- established patterns that continue to help us navigate through our world and function well in general. Unfortunately, its patterns can become rigid and impoverished. On the other hand, the right side of our brain tends to atrophy with age. That's the side that adds spice to life, that helps us adapt to new information and learn new ways of doing things.

Professor Goldberg, who is interested in the neuroplasticity of the brain (its ability to develop throughout the lifespan), has created cognitive enhancement exercises to help people continue to use and grow crucial whole-brain abilities.  Without them we can lose sharpness of insight and the sense of wonder that enriches daily experience. 

Turning Seventy

Last night five women friends and I went out to dinner to celebrate our July birthdays. We do this every year, but this year was somewhat more special because two of us entered our seventies this month. We are the youngest members of the group.

I threw out the question: what is important to you as you get older?

This was after a discussion of recent illnesses in the group and among our other friends who are over seventy but don't have the advantage of a July birthday and so weren't present.

The variety of answers to my question was interesting. They ranged from making a concrete contribution to the world through joining boards of civic and philanthropic organizations after retirement to exploring aspects of oneself that were closed off earlier in life--such as taking piano lessons or painting. Some of my friends like to help people older than us; others like to spend time with children, volunteering in reading programs, for example. Some enjoy mentoring younger members of their former professions. Some find stimulation in book clubs. All enjoy being with friends close to our own age and identified this as a key factor in their sense of well-being.

Some members of the group still work full or part time; others have retired from paid work. Some have changed careers several times in their lives; others remained dedicated to one.

All of us are actively engaged with life.  In fact, the common thread in the conversation was the importance of having and keeping a sense of purpose, however that gets expressed.

For some, what gives purpose and meaning has not changed over time; for others, the desire to find something new is paramount.

I found the discussion exciting, because turning seventy hasn't been as easy for me as I expected. The month before this, I suddenly began to look ahead with foreshortened vision--recognizing how little time is left. Taking care of incapacitated relatives who are older than us by only fifteen years has occupied me and my husband for the past few months.  Making hard decisions about their care has been very stressful; following up to be sure their care is good even more so. We are not so far behind them, because fifteen years will go by in the blink of an eye if I'm not mindful enough to spend the time left wisely.  That is a sobering thought.

So it is comforting to turn to friends and listen to how they are facing the future, the choices they are making, the questions they are grappling with. I don't know how they felt about our conversation, but I came away with renewed determination to live wisely and well and to continue exploring what I can do creatively to age in a positive way.

Starting a Group for Women Over 55

Recently I have had several requests for ideas about starting a group for those of us who have reached 55 and forward.  Some want a women's group, some a coed group.  Here are a few suggestions, based on groups I have run or been part of.

Decide whether you want to organize a group yourself or want to find someone to do that for you. Do you want to join an already running group or start one from scratch?  Do you want to be with people you know or with strangers?  Do you want to have an organizing theme, such as finding a partner or accomplishing personal goals with group support? Or do you want an open format, where people can let down their hair and just connect?  Each possibility has its pros and cons.

Most important, do you want yours to be an in-person group or a virtual group?  By the latter, I mean a group that meets on the phone, so that members can call in from wherever they are.  This kind of group can also easily set up a message board to communicate between meetings.

To start an in-person group, begin by talking to everyone you know about your interest in doing this.  Word of mouth is a powerful tool.  Contact your local Women's Center to let them know your interest.  They can help you get started. If you belong to religious organizations, ask whether they would sponsor you, if they don't already have a group like the one you're looking for.  Chances are, if you're looking, so are others.  The need is there.

To start a phone/online group, you can also begin by contacting friends and spreading the word.  Many people over 55 live in more than one location over the year and would want to join a group that allows them to stay connected while moving around. 

When I first joined a phone group, I wasn't sure I would like the lack of personal contact.  After all, body language is an important part of communication. But I discovered that the human voice conveys a lot of emotion and is very individual. In some ways, talking with others over a distance makes it easier to be more open with thoughts and feelings. 

And did you know that a group hug is possible and amazingly powerful over the phone?

Of course, establishing a structure that allows everyone to speak and educating members in phone etiquette help the process.  Having someone who knows the ropes is useful to get started well. If you have specific questions, leave them here and I'll try to answer them in more detail.

Positive Aging

What's the difference between aging creatively and aging positively?

Not a heck of a lot. But I've noticed that many women don't think of themselves as creative  unless they are artists. On the other hand, almost anybody can imagine she can learn to be more positive. So let's proceed from that idea.

If you want to feel positive about getting older, how do you do it?  This isn't a simple question.   As you know, our culture  doesn't encourage it.   Every women's magazine  and health magazine offers advice that subtly suggests we have failed if we aren't in the peak of health and still the size we were in high school.  I wish!

One of the ways I expand my horizons about aging is to read what other women are writing about it. One of my favorite online sites is called Women's Voices for Change.  The columnist Liz Smith recently wrote about the difficulty film directors have finding "grandmotherly" types for certain roles.  Everybody tries to look like a young Angie Dickinson,  one complained.

That made me go and re-look at photos in the family montages on my walls. My grandmothers sit in those posed family portraits most of us treasure. Both are decidedly plump and grandmotherly-looking. They are actually much younger than I am now but seem much older. I realize again that both died in their 50's, one of a stroke, the other mysteriously of "a broken heart" soon after one of her sons died of cancer at 24.

When I focus on their faces, though, I see something more. They have soft, sweet, worn faces. They look like women who have survived a great many changes, some good, some sorrowful.  Both came to America, from Italy and Sicily, as young women who spoke no English. Both worked hard with their husbands, who owned grocery stores in small cities in western New York State. Both were much loved and mourned by their children and grandchildren.

When I think about their lives, I feel profoundly grateful for my own. I have already outlived them by many years. Every succeeding year is a kind of gift, when I think about it. I touch my grandmothers' faces in the old pictures behind glass, silently promising them not to waste the time I have left.

What should I do with that time? Ah, that's the subject of another post.

A New Year, A New Goal For Health

A year ago I decided I absolutely had to do something to build strength and improve balance. I knew  (from research and personal experience with several nasty falls) that as we age, the ratio of muscle to fat goes in the wrong direction. I don't need to spell it out for you, I'm sure.

So I found a young woman to work with one-on-one. I've been doing this for almost a year now and have found it so helpful that I asked the family as my holiday gift--and got it!-- for two sessions a week. I figure that more of a time commitment can only benefit me.

Yes, it's more expensive than a group class, but having individual attention has taught me how little I am in my body. I still can't feel when I'm lying or standing "crooked," head tilted to one side or shoulders and hips out of alignment. Fortunately, my teacher has an eagle eye.

I admire people who have the self discipline to go to the gym regularly or set up their own DVD exercise programs at home. Or others, like my friends who tap dance or square dance their way to health, or ski, or seriously bike ride and hike. Actually, I did some of those things when I was younger, but I had spent too many years sitting and listening to people for a living and hadn't put aside enough time for strenuous physical activity.

So I swallowed my pride and obeyed my own precepts as a coach: I sought out expert assistance rather than do nothing!

Sisterhood--Or Women in Groups

Yesterday I read "My Sorority Pledge?  I Swore Off Sisterhood," an article in the New York Times by a woman in her early forties who has avoided making female friends as a result of a traumatic experience she suffered in college.  She describes joining a sorority and being date-raped during a frat party early in her freshman year.  The sorority sisters summarily booted her out because the rape became known and embarrassed them.  As a result, she lost her trust in women, especially what she thinks of as "women in packs."  She has daughters and wonders how her feelings might affect them. The article certainly made me reflect on my own experiences with women in groups.

Mindfulness

Watching other people grow older often isn't pretty but it can always be instructive.

I say other people, because it is extremely difficult to see ourselves.  I notice, for example, that when I'm in an audience at a classical concert and look around, I'm likely to think, "Hmm, everybody here is older. Too bad more younger people don't come."  Younger people like me is what I'm thinking.  Talk about delusions!

Who hasn't said, at one time or another, "I don't want to be like my mother (or father) when I get old"?  We usually mean, "I don't want to get set in my ways," or "I don't want to become boring," or "I don't want to look like that."  But once in a while we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a mirror, and wince, because we see signs that we haven't escaped our deepest fears. Most of us look away immediately.  Denial has its uses, after all.

So here is the Big Question.

Having Fun at Any Age (After 50)

I love Judith Viorst's books.  Since she is older than I am, I have the benefit of her rueful poems as I reach an age she has already written about.   Right now I have just been leafing through Suddenly Sixty (and Other Shocks of Later Life),  and, looking ahead a bit, I'm Too Young to Be Seventy (and Other Delusions).   If you're younger than this, look for Forever Fifty (and Other Negotiations).

What do I love most?  Maybe her combination of true feeling and humor.  Maybe the exact way she nails an experience we've all had or thought about.  Maybe her fearlessness, at least on paper.

A Cancer Survivor's Thoughts

I wanted to bring you an eloquent Guest Post here.  It illustrates the importance of creativity in every aspect of our lives, especially as we grow older. 

Age and Illness

Talking with friends my age is a reminder that there needs to be an acknowledgment of darkness as well as light in   these pages.

You know the old joke:  when older people get together, what you hear is a long organ recital--what's wrong with this organ or that organ.  Although nowadays it's more often a recital of who has had a hip or knee replacement.  I suppose it's a sign that we're living longer, that more parts are giving out.

I'm as guilty as the next person.  Stefan Klein, in his book The Science of Happiness, comments that we are programmed to focus on bad things more than good.  As he says succinctly, "Once burned, twice shy."  That's survival mode.