Remember that book Smart Women Foolish Choices? The Foolish Choices I'm thinking of don't have to do with men but with attitudes toward ourselves.
A lot of women become fixated on measuring their worth through birthday parties and gifts. That is, they get upset when people in their lives don't throw them a surprise fiftieth birthday or don't take them on a fabulous vacation when they turn sixty. And so on.
I'm not disputing the fact that we all harbor secret fantasies about these things. But the reality is that what people do or don't do is not necessarily a reflection of their love for us. Getting stuck by waiting for someone else to take on the organizing of our "special" birthdays is a big mistake. Even if they do organize them, the results often don't satisfy the inner picture we have of a really special birthday party.
One creative way to change this pattern is to give yourself permission to make a wonderful party for yourself. A friend who recently turned sixty rapturously described the best part of what she did for herself: "I found a band that played Bob Dylan!"
The best (and, really, only) big party I ever gave was also for my sixtieth birthday. The idea came to me out of the blue. At the time I was working at a college in a special program, and my teammates there, bless them, encouraged me to run with the idea.
I wanted live music: my husband found me a small band. I wanted entertainment: one of my sons and his friends put on a show. I bought cheap vases for the tables and bunches of flowers that several friends who showed up early at the party site took upon themselves to cut and arrange. My niece brought in some of her own dishes to add to the catered food.
The whole thing didn't cost much, and there was so much camaraderie around making it happen, both before and during the event, that I still have warm memories years later--and so do a lot of the other people who were there. I felt filled up in a way I had never felt before.
So I highly recommend using your creativity to celebrate your birthday in a way that is meaningful to you. Nobody else can really know what you want and need, and you don't have to wait helplessly for someone else to do it for you. Isn't that cool?
Comments